First, I went to a baseball game (spring training in Tuscon!) and second, I heard the National Anthem sung. Surprisingly, I haven’t been to many events where that has happened in a very very long time.

It was really good to hear that old ditty.  And it made me feel really good, too.

But the National Anthem also got me thinking. I have my issues with our country. I am bitterly angry at Bush Co - and sometimes I really want to say I hate “him/them”. But the truth of the matter is hate is such an ugly emotion, one that I (thankfully) have only felt in my life a couple of times.

I am ashamed that we don’t have universal health care. Or that our country scores so poorly against other nations relative to educational standards for our kids. I am appalled at the greed which permeates our government. I am stunned that we went to war in Iraq. I want to reach out and help everyone who is suffering in this mortgage climate (I even feel badly for the idiots that got greedy themselves and over extended to “flip” houses for great gain…well, I don’t feel THAT badly for them!). And I fear for my (grown) childrens’ futures if things don’t improve.

But I also know that my approach to solving these problems would not be to say God Damn America. I would prefer to bring smart people together in a rational, thoughtful environment and hash things out. Discuss. Debate. Agree. Disagree. And work together on a plan to move forward. I wouldn’t expect things to change overnight. And I wouldn’t expect everything to change at once (it might take tiny steps…but at least those steps would be positive).

That’s why I am so dismayed at Rev Wright’s stunningly angry sermons. They say such horrible things about me (I’m white). They suggest things that, in my entire lifetime, I have never felt toward anyone. And I was sad that these things are being rountinely said…behind my back (kind of like discovering your friends “talking” about you behind your back - it shocks you and it makes you depressed. “How could I have been so stupid to think so-and-so liked me??”).

In fact, prior to this primary season, I thought things were getting better between the races. In my lifetime I have seen AA’s take on new important responsibilities and achieve great success. I have seen interracial marriages (yup…when I was born, that was a no-no) and not have the neighbors or family go nuts. I have gained a whole world of new friendships and knowledge. And I felt that we were better people for it.

I fear most that this primary will have ripped off the scab from a wound that (I thought) was healing (or at least improving) for this nation. It will have set us back 50 years. And we will have added a new national nightmare of coming face to face with a sexist wound that was festering under the surface.

I don’t have any suggestions on how to “get back” to where we were. I just know that things are going to be ugly for some time to come.

God bless America. We’ll need it.